A letter
by the rat in the hat
Summary: A letter of love and loss. Of loyalty and bitterness. Of hate and regret.My first attempt at writing. And yeah, it's a one shot.


Hi there.

This is really my first time writing a letter, so please don't mind if I sound more awkward than in an actual conversation. I really wanted to say these things to you in person, but certain...circumstances have led me to this form of expressing my thoughts.

We haven't met for what, two years? It seemed forever. I've always wondered why you haven't kept in touch. You never sent a message, or even visited me.

Maybe you forgot about me.

Do you remember when we first crossed paths? You were casually walking down the dusty streets of my hometown when I tried to make your shiny katana mine. But all I got was the sandy ground as its handle greeted my cheek. I was stunned by two things afterwards: one, the fact that I failed to steal from a dumb swordswoman, and two, that I couldn't believe that someone that beautiful is now staring at me.

Once I got out of my trance, I immediately apologized for my doing and offered you a tour of the city. I really am a competitive person. I thought of you as my greatest rival. I heard a man from the local pub say that if you wanna hurt someone really bad, become his friend, and then stab his back.

And stab your back I would've done, if I hadn't fallen in love.

Actually I forgot how I got these feelings. I just remember being love struck every single second of my life. I followed you wherever you went. Every wish, every want, I gave. I wanted to prove that I am capable of taking care of you. That I love you. You didn't mind my presence. Maybe you even found it convenient. I was a servant. A dog. But I didn't care. I was happy with the thank yous that barely come out of your lips. They were music to my ears. Food for my soul.

But deep inside I wasn't. I want to love and be loved in return. I kept hoping, _maybe someday she would realize. Maybe she would return my warmth._ I wanted to wait and wait, but I couldn't. It was driving my heart insane.

Sunday. Mist covered the serene town of Al De Baran, lazily concealing the moon's reflection as it hung high in the cloudless sky. The faint gurgling of flowing water fought against the deafening silence.

I was there, waiting for you, up on the bridge that led to the route back to the royal capital. Sitting on the edge, dangling as my feet tried to reach the mist below, I looked around, eyes tracing the empty streets leading to where I am. Windows that glow with warmth of their fireplaces met my sight. _The warmth that my heart desperately craves._

I stopped and glanced at the spot beneath me. _The keystone_. A block that distributes all the weight of the bridge into its legs. Without a proper keystone, the arch would easily collapse even on its own weight. _I want to be your keystone. I want to relieve all your burdens._

I turned around. The sound of footsteps reached my ears as a silhouette holding a lamp came into sight, walking towards me. It was now or never. I stood up as you got near. Stared into your midnight-black eyes. And poured my heart out. My fears, my frustrations, and my passion, locked up for years, finally got heard. I've never felt this good ever since, since... I can't remember. Old man Wiley was right. Truth really can set you free.

And bite you afterwards.

We fell silent for a while. Uneasiness immediately came as I waited for your answer. It was nerve-wracking. _C'mon, say something_. I couldn't take it anymore. I broke eye contact, and bowed my head. It was then that I noticed a black bag, resting on your right foot. I looked at you with a puzzled face. But I didn't even have to ask the question, you immediately answered.

All you said was one word. Sorry.

One word. Uttered without one trace of emotion. The same way you would say it when you bumped a stranger while walking.

You shook your head, bent down to pick up your luggage, and walked away, towards the south exit. I wanted to follow, but I found myself unable to. My legs are rooted to the ground. In just a few moments, all of it turned to nothing… my world came crashing down.

I stood there, dumbstruck. That single word, echoing, ringing, in my head.

_Sorry._

Have I done something wrong?

_Sorry._

Have I not done everything for her?

_Sorry._

I touched something cold. I looked down to my hand, and saw the glinting edge of my Damascus. Slowly, hands trembling, I held it close to my chest. The cool metal clashed with my body's warmth.

Why can't you feel the way I'm feeling now?

I could feel my heart beating. I could feel it speeding up.

Are these tears not enough for you?

It didn't take long for me to decide. I knew what I must do.

Everything happened so fast. I did my best to avoid feeling pain as much as possible. I wanted to end my agony quickly. It didn't even disturb the silence of the twilight. It was just as if nothing has happened in the tranquil town of Al de Baran.

That was our last meeting.

Now, the days never seem to end. All I feel is regret. I've lost everything, everything that mattered to me. The world I'm now living in is just a pointless fantasy, a dream that lacks the very meaning of my existence.

I wish that I could turn back time.

I shouldn't have killed you.

Signed,  
Tom


End file.
